With a feigned flurry and a deft sleight of hand, the English Premier League with a stunning flourish shocked all and sundry, including the Government, that the League will kick off to an actual restart next week, complete with a whole paraphernalia of new safety features in place. This new totally unexpected move is a concerted effort mobilised with the primary objective of finishing the season on time, coronavirus pandemic having been totally factored in!
Notably the brevity of this hitherto unprecedented situation essentially means that the League will be relying on the latest technological innovations and the full facilitation of e-Sports to ensure that the season is finished without any undue ado or further delays.
In the core interest of maintaining fuill compliance with precautionary safety measures, all games will be played behind closed doors, kitchen doors in other words, in accordance with the strict mandate issued by the Government that all games will be played using FIFA 20.
Still in a daze over this totally shocker of a turnaround? Or just in a state of unbelief that this could actually be happening, giving the wicked coronavirus pandemic monster a stab in its throat? Here comes the unveiling of how it works.
The maker of the game will tweak the legendary game and players will be selected and play as the video version of themselves! Although a game of simulation, this is laudably a novel and most refreshing way to address the coronavirus conundrum nonetheless.
The games have been created and structured so as to keep as close to real life as possible, in fact it has even been rumored that human idiosyncratic behavioral attributes have been cleverly built in to even allow incorrigible, feisty characters like Jose Mourinho complaining about refereeing decisions, the weather and the like at half time of every game!
Initially, Electronic Arts resisted the call to make the tweaks but when rumours circulated that PRO Evolution Soccer was rushing to make a late bid to get into the action, they immediately responded and mobilised all that was needed short of moving heaven and earth to expedite everything to get the refinements and tweaks done pronto.
How The Games Will Work
- Matches will last the regulation 90 minutes
- Teams will play one game every two days until the end of the season
- Results will be added to the table and stats as usual
- Michael Owen and Stan Collymore will provide commentary on EVERY match
- Games will be live-streamed for FREE on Twitch
Game Management
- Teamsheets will be announced one hour before kick-off
- Managers will be able to make tactical changes and substitutions
- Managers will communicate with managers using the Houseparty app
- Players in-game stats will be added to existing real-life stats
That’s how the Premier League will be able to kick off to an actual restart next week and complete the season on time, with a middle finger provocatively in the face of the villainous pandemic monstrosity!
Let’s all play on!